My life here after they left wasn't good... my kids are a blessing and a treasure that I always take care of. Perhaps without them life will be so meaningless that I am living alone. I chose to keep them and raise them because I love them and I wanted to be a mother. We may be a burden to my family now.... but I believe someday I can show my family how much I love them and how much I appreciate them in my life.
For here... I was made to feel like an unworthy person to deal with that I have no capabilities and I am not in the right mind for choosing to keep my kids and let my life suffer over the consequences of raising them by myself. I was humiliated... I was criticized for my situation.Those words could not make me regret bringing my kids to the world the only thing it can make me regret is the wrong choice of men to trust. And I have lost the passion to prove that I am worthy of trust and that I have capabilities. I have lost self confidence. I have been looked down for eight years and no one has been there for me but my kids and a few true friends and their family who recognize me and my kids as a part of their family also.
I am so grateful for people who loves me and my kids like I was their own family member. For people who understands and supports me after all.. after everything.. some friend even said that as long as we are together we can always do it... that lady who told me those words and her Mom are my second family after all I've been through and yet they are still there for me the more they accepts me and my kids.
I learned to appreciate people who come and stay in my life especially on those time where I almost lost my life for giving birth to my youngest while other relatives and people condemn me on the other hand my true friends and family loved me and supported me more and helped me survived. Without them knowing that I was almost a history that I was so lucky to be alive while most who suffered from the same symptoms of eclampsia are now dead.I was appreciative of people who stays and who never denounce me for my situation instead of blaming me ... a friend told them we don't need to blame what we need is a solution. I am so gratified. I will never forget those people who has been a lifesaver when I was drowning and has been helping me to live. It felt like that some are pushing me under the water to drown while those people are pulling me up to breathe in some air. For now I felt like I am in a very deep body of water with my kids for me to keep safely while holding on a piece of wood to survive until we reach the shore where my family awaits.
And further more... I will never forget them wherever I may be... I pray that God may let it happen my greatest desire in my life now to be with my family and have a really great and stable job. I know it will be in the future but I really wanted it soon... now that I am still young and able so I can return every love and kindness to my loved ones and hopefully make our lives better if not best. I wanted to take care of my parents and my sibling being the eldest... I want to fulfill my dreams not for my kids for them also.
May He grant this request. I wanted to welcome good thoughts... good people .. positive attitude...and all the best for a new chapter in life. I wanted al the best for my kids and for my family. I no longer wanted to be a burden.I have given them heartaches and shame but I wanted to turn things to a good direction. A new life ... so far from the negative people. A place where I will feel that me and the kids are welcomed and loved and wherein we sill feel that we belong.
